Florence’s So-Called Life, Season 2, Ep 3

In which Florence witnesses a high drama rescue.

(in a grave voice)

I’m not sure if I’ll ever recover from the events of today. I’ve never been so…scared? No, terrified.

10 HOURS EARLIER

Bekah has been popping pills like a drug addict lately, and eating only soft foods. So I presume that she’s got worms, and Lewis took her to the vet this morning. When humans get worms they call it an “abscessed tooth.”  Whatever the case, we were alone with the LHP and her caregiver, Celine. Celine’s totally one of my favorite people of all time. Here’s why:

1) She’s French. French people are tres sophisticated, like me.

2) She takes care of us while Bekah and Lewis are gone, and she’s waaaaay nicer than they are.

The LHP and Celine

The LHP and Celine

So, Wiley and I went outside, so Celine and the LHP could play on the floor. Totally fine with me, as I needed to pee.

It was going fine, very normal trip to the wild part of the yard, when suddenly Wiley disappeared. I usually check the garage first, because that’s where he hides when it’s raining…but, it was…like, bone dry outside. I know, because my skin was super dry.

Anyway, all of the sudden, I heard some panicky groaning. I looked up, and Wiley was on top of the awning over the shack porch. (Why Bekah and Lewis even have that embarrassing little…structure…is beyond me.)

Wiley, explaining his predicament.

Wiley, explaining his predicament.

So, yeah, there was Wiley, on this creaking little roof, if you can even call it that. He explained that he had gotten into the house, and the boards had fallen shut behind him, then he went up the stairs that were too narrow to come back down, and when he finally found way out through the window onto the awning, the plywood that he wedged past getting out, could not be wedged through going the other way.

Talk about a series of poor decisions and bad luck. Wiley is brave…or maybe stupid, I don’t know. But he sure does get himself in trouble.

I ran to tell Celine, but my French is terrible, so she didn’t understand my whining and groaning. Finally she called and called Wiley, and when he didn’t come, she walked outside and realized he was on the roof. Wiley weighs almost as much as Celine, so thankfully he didn’t try to jump to her.

Celine called Lewis, and from my end it sounded like a confusing conversation, explaining why Wiley was on the roof. I could also hear a bunch of buzzing and whirring in the background, which I assume was the worm removal.

Meanwhile, poor Wiley was shivering, and threatening to jump. I wanted to go out to comfort him…but it was, like, soooo cold. So I just watched from the kitchen window and sent him my good thoughts of warmth and structural soundness.

IMG_6167

Poor Wiley on the awning.

After an eternity, Bekah and Lewis came home. She was drooling and talking funny, but Lewis was more helpful. He got the ladder out, and for a moment we all though that he was going to have to carry Wiley down. As…er, heroic and awesome as that would have been, I think Wiley and Lewis would have both ended up falling off the ladder.

The roof was sagging and creaking, and I just knew it was going to cave in.

IMG_6171

But…it didn’t. Lewis had to lead Wiley back the way he came, and carry him down the stairs, but the moment he broke free, that big black idiot bolted for the door.

He stayed in bed all afternoon, except to drink water and act like nothing happened. But he has horrible gas, which he only gets when he’s been scared.

Of course that’s nothing compared to the ball of nerves I am. Sheesh. The things he puts me through.

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